Alright Gatorade, I'm putting my foot down on this one.

Am I alone in being confused by this ad? Not only is one of these things not like the others, but it seems Gatorade is actually trying to pitch a bunch of mimes as the new cool thing. C'mon. Seriously? Friggin MIMES!?

It feels weird to have to tell the trend setting authorities of consumer America (Nike, Sprite, McDonald's, Gatorade and the likes) that you shouldn't be sponsoring mimes. Even if a bunch of them group together and call themselves the Jabbawockeez... I think my spell check just exploded.

What? You don't think they're mimes? Umm, are their faces white? Do they wear white gloves? Do they go through motions pretending to use objects that aren't really there? Check. Check. And check. Told you they were mimes.

Look. A mime is a mime. No matter how you dress it up with watered down street cred and Kangol hats, it's still a mime! And we all know that mimes are the lowest form of entertainment ever introduced. That's right. The lowest. Even lower than Nickelback.

The fact that they danced with Fatty McGoo at the NA All Star Game does not make them cool either. There's plenty of evidence to go around which demonstrates Shaq does not have the power to make lame things cool.

A million dollar idea that I am giving away for free:

You know how in every bag of potato chips there is one chip that is extra toasty? It's darker than the rest of the chips and completely delicious? Not the rotten one that is kind of green. The one that is perfectly toasted to a crispy brown.

Why is there only one of them per bag? Frito needs to come out with a bag of these. Just the extra toasted chips. It's a simple thing to do.

Fellas... and hairy lipped women,

Am I the only one who gets the tissue-residue mustache after blowing my nose? Granted, it only happens after I've neglected to shave for a day or two. But regardless, my wife giggles like a little school girl every time I blow my nose and walk away with bits of shredded Kleenex clinging to the stubble.

Typically I don't notice and she thinks that its pretty funny. I have no idea how many times I've walked around the office with a little white Charlie Chaplin mustache after blowing my nose...

Ugh. Soccer.

I noticed a new billboard for Real Salt Lake prodding me to buy season soccer tickets. And here's my list of reasons why I am not never, ever, fa-eva eva buying season soccer tickets:

1) I'd be surrounded by Europeans (just kidding mum).

2) Soccer is the only sport where people cheer what could have potentially happened. In no other sport will a player who messes up a chance to score be getting a standing ovation. In a soccer game it's usually the only chance you get to cheer because NOTHING EVER HAPPENS.

3) I'd be surrounded by Europeans (still just joshin' mum).

4) Soccer is so boring fans actually make up and sing entire 9 verse songs to occupy their minds - while the game is going on!

5) Too much writhing in pain and crying like fairies when it's obvious they were never touched. The last game I went to some dude sitting behind me tried to explain that this was all strategy. It's an awesome strategy if you're looking to pick up a date in a gay bar.

6) I'd be surrounded by Europeans (hi ho mum).

7) We only go with the Hubrichs because Hans is the coolest and Cami's got it going on too. If they're ain't no Hubrichs, they're ain't no tickets.

8) Smoke bombs and rolls of toilet paper are only thrown on the field during the playoffs. If someone would guarantee that smoke bombs and rolls of toilet paper were thrown on the field every game... and the Hubrichs were there... no-one sissies it up faking injury... oh and someone actually made a goal... well then, season tickets I guess.

As some of you know, HBO will soon be airing a new episode of the television series, “Big Love”. Said episode is reported to include a scene depicting a religious ceremony performed in a temple of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. The details of which, to publicize and make available for entertainment purposes, not only shocks me but also offends as I consider like ceremonies and places to be both private and sacred. In response, I have written a letter to HBO and urge you to voice your opinion as well. But please do so with sensitivity, courtesy and respect. For I imagine that is what you’d like in return.

The following link has been provided by HBO in order to field opinions and feedback regarding their network and broadcasts.

http://www.hbo.com/apps/submitinfo/contactus/submit.do

This is the letter I sent:

To Whom it May Concern, I am not a subscriber to HBO, nor would I consider myself as belonging to your target audience. I don’t pretend to think my voice would have any sway on the decisions of a large entertainment entity such as HBO. Despite that, I wish to express my thoughts regarding the purported forthcoming depiction of an LDS Temple Ceremony on the show “Big Love”.

I am LDS, and like most members of my faith, consider the temple to be a holy place. I believe that in temples I can draw closer to my Creator than anywhere else on Earth. Think about that for a moment.

You may not have the same beliefs as I do, but if you consider what such a place would mean, you will quickly see why we hold temples to be so holy. That being the case, I cannot consider the depiction of the ceremonies performed inside the temple for entertainment purposes as anything but mere mockery and disrespect for my beliefs. That is not to say that I will be devastated, that I cannot handle your television show being in existence, or that my beliefs will be crushed by a little opposition. I will, of course, go on in my belief in God and the teachings of Jesus Christ as I ever have. After all, this won’t be the first time that someone has been insensitive to my faith.

However, before running the forthcoming episode, please consider those things that you hold most dear in your life – those things that mean more to you than you can convey in words. If you do not have such things in your life, I am sorry. If you do, but you are willing to have them paraded around for the sake of entertainment – and that is your undeniable right – again, I feel sorry for you. On the other hand, if there are things in your life that you do consider holy or sacred, things that you do hold dear to you heart and you would not want those things mocked and trampled on, please recognize that by airing the aforementioned episode you are about to do that to someone else.

Thank you.

I Love To See The Temple

I love to see the temple.
I'm going there someday
To feel the Holy Spirit,
To listen and to pray.

For the temple is a house of God,
A place of love and beauty.
I'll prepare myself while I am young;
This is my sacred duty.

I love to see the temple.
I'll go inside someday.
I'll cov'nant with my Father;
I'll promise to obey.

For the temple is a holy place
Where we are sealed together.
As a child of God, I've learned this truth;
A fam'ly is forever.

I went skiing backcountry last night

and saw footprints of a deer that pondered, then followed...