verbatim

Grandpa: (pointing to a crescent moon in the daylight sky) "Max! What is that?"

Max: "Itsda moon. [Gasp!] Dere's a big piece broked off!"

verbatim

[driving home from the store]

Libbie: "Waah! Waaaaaaah! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"

Dave: "Hey Max, will you talk to Libbie and make her feel better?"

Max: "It's okay Libbie. There's no lions."

While we're on the subject,

I thought I'd post another clip from another misinformed hippie.

I've tried to put a face with the voice and the only thing I can come up with is an image of an angry smoker lady, wearing stretch pants and a XXXL t-shirt with a cat on it.

Let's break down her rant:

"What the heck is in our water supply, what the heck is in our oxygen supply... of the metallic oxide salts that create a rainbow effect in a sprinkler?" She sure knows science. "Metallic oxide salts"? She isn't just full of it, she's very specific in being full of it. The only way I could have liked this video more is if she had made up some words in her explanation. "See, the phosphoraic tanins in the grass have been compromised by the acidaxation of the hydrolium in the atmospheroidal zone".

"Not just around our sun and our moon anymore..." When has there ever been a rainbow around the moon!? Lady, are you mistaking reality with your Trapper Keeper cover from second grade? I'm not judging you. I like unicorns too.

"The visible spectrum... is rainbows. This cannot be natural". Right now, Isaac Newton and Pink Floyd are in heaven shaking their heads in disgust. Not only did she ignore her teachers at school, but she never even bothered to take a closer look at the cover art on Dark Side of the Moon.

"We all know it wasn't something that happened twenty years ago". As someone who spent his childhood in the 80's, I can attest that as I slid down my "Crocodile Mile" I indeed noticed refracted light in the water mist and sunlight. I guess that just goes to show pollution has always been around. Danged corporations!

On second thought, if all this pollution is just making more and more pretty rainbows, it can't be so bad. When do we get unicorns!?

Organic food is a scam... and it tastes bad too.

Don't believe me? Read this article that was published in Reuters yesterday. I plan on taking it to Costco demanding that they go back to selling Kellogg's Pop Tarts that actually taste good instead of the crappy organic "Toaster Pastries" they carry now.

But first I'm going to mock and criticize people who act like they know what they're talking about, all while only pretending to know what I'm talking about. (*note my complete lack of credentials concerning nutritional information).

On second thought, I'm not going to get into it. Why spend my time demonstrating that just because you paid more for something does not mean it's of greater quality or allowed a chicken to roam free (while still having her eggs stolen)? I mean how do I win an argument against all the superior purists out there with thoughts like this running through their heads:

"Sure, I could pay a buck a pound for those giant, flavorful, red bell peppers that are so freaking good. Or I could pay a buck ninety nine a pound for the much smaller, wilted peppers next to them that taste like corn husks, BUT they do have that green 'organic' label on them. Oprah said evil corporate farms are poisoning our children with their chemicals and pesticides to make more money so I'm going stick it to the man and pay twice as much to get half as much from the "green" businesses that really are concerned about me and my family".

Eating organic food, driving a Prius, wiping your rump with recycled toilet paper... whatever elitist and superficial lifestyle choices you make to convince yourself that you are not as environmentally destructive as your neighbor is fine by me. It means all the good produce isn't picked over when I get there.

In the spirit of the Reuter's article, here's a clip from Penn and Teller. Now, I usually don't take my political thought from illusionists, but I do think they prove a point.