The first ever WATASCATIHTBAT post

So because I had no favorable comments on the OHFITAA (Overlooked Historical Figures I Think Are Awesome) series, I've come up with a new idea for a recurring theme on my blog: WATASCATIHTBAT (affectionately known as, "Weekend Adventures That Are So Crazy Awesome That I Have To Blog About Them!").

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I think the WATASCATIHTBAT series will be much better appreciated and openly accepted... and not just because of the catchy name either which by the way, seems a lot more roll-off-your-tongue-ish than OHFITAA. To be honest with you, despite having come up with the OHFITAA idea, I don't even know how you'd pronounce it. I have heard it pronounced "this is way too boring to read" though so I'm abandoning ship and starting a new craze. A new craze that is spelled W-A-T-A-S-C-A-T-I-H-T-B-A-T and pronounced "Oh Snap! Dave that IS Crazy Awesome!".

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To start my new WATASCATIHTBAT series off right, I've chronicled one of my favorite Weekend Adventures That [Was] So Crazy Awesome That I Have To Blog About [It] and it begins like this:

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Not so long ago, under a frozen January sky, some friends drove North from Phoenix as I rallied South from SLC to meet in Zion where we'd put together a day of epicness. There we would conquer Keyhole and Pine Creek but the thing is my friends, it was wet and COLD. Doing such things in the freeze of winter is a bit like going to a 7th grade science fair because you start thinking a lot about physical science. For example, I don't know how water can get colder than 32 degrees and not turn into ice but somehow the canyons of Zion National Park demonstrate just that and make a mockery of everything Bill Nye (http://www.billnye.com/) told you. Listen, I'm not lying. That water was negative 52 Calvin and still in liquid form. I'm no scientist and no doctor either but I can tell you that your fingers stop working way before that point and it becomes very hard to tie knots which will prevent you from falling to your death.

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Similar to what the namby pamby park ranger in the Smokey the Bear hat said in so many words, "there is far too much ice in there and you will probably die". And he must have told us to reconsider 13 times but see the thing is, that only got Spencer more excited. So we headed back into town and got suited up in dry suites, jump suites and neoprene socks and one hour later we were back in Zion listening to Spencer persistantly cajole the ranger until he let us in and acknowledged that Spencer seemed to know what he was doing. He even wrote it down... on official Zion National Park paper... "Spencer seems to know what he's doing"!

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Even so, at times I was wishing I would have listened to Smokey instead of Spencer because that day I thought to myself often, "man Dave, this is the stupidest thing you've ever done" as we rappelled huge cliffs, tip-toed over very cracky ice sheets, broke through said cracky ice sheets and had to swim out while smashing a path with our elbows. And I'm not making this up. Just to prove it, I'm posting some really bad photos. That said, I'll end my first WATASCATIHTBAT post by suggesting that if you are ever about to embark on the most awesome (and by awesome, I mean Crazy Awesome!) thing you have done all weekend, DO NOT document said crazy awesomeness with a disposable camera that you bought from Zion National Park's gift shop because 1) they cost like 12 bucks and 2) they take really really really bad picturs. And oh yah, 3) they are not water proof. Especially not -52 Calvin water-proof.

and the best weekend photo is...

drumroll please

Your mom called. She said you need a haircut.

So I met some friends for lunch the other day and upon entering the restaurant I was confronted with a slew of faux-hawks. Said faux-hawks were obviously attached to faux-men, not ready to commit to being total women but not quite sitting at the table with Maximus Desimus Meridius either (give me a break, is he really the manliest guy I can think of?).

I thought to myself, "the only way there are this many faux-hawks and blazers over t-shirts in one place is if this is an alarm selling pitch or a conference on HGH and furthering your annoyance quotient". My blog reading peeps, I was spot on.

For over an hour I got to listen to these metros describe the joys of ripping off nervous old women so that you too can one day enjoy leasing an H2 while you mack on all the hot chicks lined up at Cafe Rio. Maybe, someday maybe, if you upgrade enough contracts you can finally buy your own tanning bed! Lets all yell it while we kick that little old lady down the well "I Am APX!!!!!"

No offense Brian but seriously, APX is waaay too much for me. I'm happy for you as long as you keep your head shaved and don't ever do a 'bit' on the websight.

P.S. Everybody else, you should seriously click on that link. AWESOME!

Can't you just turn it off?!

So our buddies at governmentattic.org used the FOIA(Freedom of Information Act) to get their grubby little hands on some of the FCC citizen complaint files, and they are spectacular. Watch as ordinary Americans demand that the government protect their children from their inability to turn off the TV. Here is one of my favorites- oh I love how she pleads for the Children! THE CHILDREN!!!!

Re: Appalling Simpson's episodeSunday November 14,2004 at 8:00pmFox

Can this "comic" really be left to run, unchecked, reaching an audience at 8:00 pm on a Sunday night, and no one notices the ridiculous and violent episode? There are CHILDREN watching this show, impressionable CHILDREN. Many without an adult. And really, what adult could shield their child against the sudden and gratuitous violence that pops up at the very end of the show? Marge decided to give up the competition after Maggie helps her to see she iswrong to cheat in the contest. The victory goes to the default competitor, and she leeaves her hill billy husband for a movie star, James Con I think they said. The hill billy friends (about 10) of the husband ambush the two as they run out of town at a toll booth, shooting James Con with machine guns. After he falls out of the car, bullet holes in his back and blood running out all over, one of the hill billies comes up and kicks the dying man in the head. I was totally shocked. What is this? How can we as with any shred of decency allow this to be sprung on anyone, let alone children? I highly protest this program! It is rude, violent and extremely damaging to our children. And people wonder WHY we have situations like Columbine. Time to wake up and be responsible adults, people.

[Name Redacted]

Can I suggest something Mrs. Name Redacted? Howabout you stop asking the government to watch your kids and YOU teach YOUR KIDS to turn off the tv and maybe read, or ride a bike. Heaven forbid they grow up having climbed a mountain or having explored the world around them... without using the discovery channel to do it.

Ah France' !

Look I've never been to France. BUT, one time I was in an internet cafe in Mexico and some french guy started flipping out because he couldn't figure out how to get something in french on the computer before he started yelling gobbly gook and threw the keyboard at the wall and stormed out. So ya....France. I'll tell you what they DO excel at though. Making amazing giant mechanical animals! These things are awesome. I've had to include several links because one is entirely in French and those jerks never translate their gibberish language.

[Link To Pictures]

[Some Silly Link In French: Good Luck]

Namibian Ghost Town.

Oh My?! How Awesome is this?

Babe (that's my wife, Ashlee, I'm directing this to and not the talking pig) if you would just stop dusting the house after I sand drywall and cut wood planks with the table saw we could have something so cool in our living room too. Shoot, if you hadn't have cleaned last year, we'd have the whole house like this now! So just put the Pinesol away already!

Kolmanskop is a ghost town in southern Namibia, a few kilometres inland from the port of Lüderitz. In 1908, Luederitz was plunged into diamond fever and people rushed into the Namib desert hoping to make an easy fortune. Within two years, a town, complete with a casino, school, hospital and exclusive residential buildings, was established in the barren sandy desert.

But shortly after the drop in diamond sales after the First World War, the beginning of the end started. During the 1950's the town was deserted and the dunes began to reclaim what was always theirs.

Buelsgerblogger...? There's just no ring to it.

I lost my gym pass and in order to get a new one I had to go to the counter at Gold's Gym and ask "Thunder" for a replacement. Aside from spending an hour spelling and "re-spelling" my name to an ape, the whole process wasn't a complete loss. I think I made a friend in the process because Hercules started calling me "bud". Confusing really, because we'll never hang out over a weekend or go biking or shoot the bull over the phone, nor do I look like a bottle of beer.

Regardless, after much difficulty on the GNC poster boy's part, I decided to call my wife who has the same membership number that I do, thereby allowing him to push numbered keys and avoid having to spell anymore. YAHTZEE! My info popped up but not under Vogelsberg... you know, V-as in Victor... O, G, E, L, S-as in Sam... B-as in boy... E, R, G. But rather under Buelsgerb... you know, B-as in Bad listener... U-as in U are not paying attention when I spell my name over and over again... E, L, S-as in Super! you got three letters right in a row... G-as in Oh MY GOSH!! you can't be this stupid, E, R, B-as in Better keep pumping iron because you is dumb and the only thing you got going is your muscled skull.

Reminded me of the time we were in Peru riding the train back from Machu Pichu. We climbed out the rail car to greet our escort in Cuzco who was holding a sign with my name on it:

My wife is soooo good to me!

Black Diamond Kilowatt Telemark / Randonee Ski (175)

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Fritschi Diamir Free Ride Plus Randonee Bindings (M)

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Black Diamond Whippet w/ Adjustable Flicklock (100 - 140 cm)

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Black Diamond Nylon STS Ascension Skins (100 mm)

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Ortovox Patroller Avalanche Beacon (analog & digital)



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Ortovox 240 Aluminum Light Avalanche Probe


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Black Diamond Deploy 7 Shovel


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ONE AWESOME SET-UP.

Who's coming with?

Goodbye Kitty.

Dave tested, Dave approved. It broke root beer bottles faster than my friends could burp AND it matched their girlfriends' fingernail polish.

Now let's think this over: A pink machine gun is still pink. And a pink machine gun is still a machine gun. Am I wrong?

Nope. Possibly the best transgender gift ever! I report you decide.

You Down With O.O.P.? Ya you know me

I can't figure out why I am fascinated by crap like this. Maybe deep down I love science or maybe I just hope everything isn't explained yet and somehow there are still super mysterious things out there. I mean really, how cool would it be if we just kept discovering buried stuff? Anyway I am ge-ge-geeking out over Out-Of-Place-Artifacts (OOPArt... I'm not making that up). One time I really got into Noah's Ark being on Mt. Arat in Turkey. And why not right? Well all that geekery led me to something called "fantastic archaeology" which in turn led me to OOPArt and so here we are.

OopArt appears to be the confluence of everything scientific and fictional at the same time. And yes, that's the sweetest oxymoron anyone has ever come up with. I mean lets for a second look at the first sentence of the wikipedia article on a well known OOPArt topic like Dropas. "Dropa (also Dropas, Drok-pa or Dzopa, Chinese: 杜立巴 ) is the name given to an alleged race of dwarf-like extraterrestrials that landed near the China-Tibet border approximately twelve thousand years ago. There is no scholarly accepted evidence that any such beings existed or any such landings occurred, and many claims made by Däniken have been specifically disproved".

Well that's just fine mister "There Is No Scholarly Evidence", but I'll have you know that being "specifically disproved" can never take away our ability to be "alleged". In fact, this kind of awesomeness doesn't even need to be credible to be cool. Look, I'm not saying this stuff is sound science or even real. I'm just saying that ... oh c'mon... who am I kidding? I can't defend anything like this? I just wanted to say, You Down with O.O.P.? Ya you know me!

O Holy Crap!

I know Christmas is gone but I couldn't resist. This has got to be the worst sung version of O Holy Night I have ever ever heard!! EVER!

http://gracehead.com/myrandomfiles/O_Holy_Night.mp3

This is a panflute...

And let me just clarify that the panflute is not the problem. To the contrary really. Bolivians rule, in fact, at creating contagiously addictive danceable tunes with this little bit of piping splendor. The problem is when it gets into the hands of a foreigner (that's you and me unless you're an Aymaran Bolivian) or more specifically, that's Tom.

I once huddled in the cramped and unlit luggage compartment of a Bolivian bus that was styled after the American Greyhound (and I'm going to emphasize that "styled after" is in no way even close to resembling the real thing). (Also, I really really really need to get digital copies of my mission pictures. It would add tremendous worth to my blogging whims.) Anyway.

I had to lay on my side, wedged in the fetal position from Patacamaya to La Paz (3 hours), focusing all my energy on positive thinking as I listened to Tom blow spitted wind into these pipes. He called it practice. I called it "annoying".

And that, my friends, is why I think the panflute+foreigner experience is just a bad idea. A really big, bad idea.

The 1st Annual vogelsblogger Buyer's Guide to Panflutes:

I just got off the phone with Tom who was explaining to me how much he misses Bolivia. Said explenation involved the rediculous idea that he needs a panflute so he can play it and reminisce.

Well, as one who spent ample time in Bolivia and heard ample panflute performances, I decided to put together this handy flowchart to help Tom (and everyone else for that matter) decide if a panflute is really the way to go:

My flag is at half mast.

Pay your respects. Sir Edmund Hillary died this month.

And I'm bummed. This guy was a true adventurer. He hiked Everest sans oxygen, goretex, fleece or fancy GPS. And he did it before anyone else (May 29th, 1953)! The guy is so cool you can find him these days on New Zealand's 5 dollar note;

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I've always had an eye on Everest and at one point thought to climb it. Yeah, I know... a lot of people WANT to but I was studying up on it. I read all about it, followed the news about it, including the disaster climbing season in '96, and the re-measuring a few years later. Too bad it costs roughly $60 thousand dollars, which I don't have, and oh yah, I'm a weenie... I'd freeze in my puffy-pants on The Hillary Step;

I'm feeling serious today...

It is early dawn on Sunday morning and the sky is dark. Those, in fact, are John's words; "It was yet dark..."(John 20:1).
It had been dark since Friday.

Dark with Iscariot's betrayal.
Dark with Peter's denial.
Dark with Pilate's cowardice.
And dark with Christ's anguish.

The only ember of light is the small band of women standing "afar off" from the cross - watching. Among them are two Marys; Mary Magdalene and Mary, the mother of James and Joses. (Mathew 27:55-56).

They are there watching the body of Jesus and waiting to prepare it for burial. To clean the blood from his beard. To wipe the crimson from his legs. To close his eyes. To touch his face.
They are there. The last to leave Calvary and the first at the grave.

So early on that Sunday morning they leave their pallets and walk out into the tree-shadowed path and make their way to the sepulchre. Theirs is a somber task, for the morning promises only one encounter; an encounter with a corpse.
Remember, Mary and Mary don't know this is the first Easter. They are not hoping the tomb will be vacant. They aren't discussing what their responses will be when they see the resurrected Christ.
They have absolutely no idea that the grave will be empty.

There was a time when they dared to dream such dreams, but not now. It's too late.
The time for miracles has come to an end.
The feet that walked on water have been pierced. The hands that healed the sick have been stilled. And all aspirations have been staked to Friday's cross.
Mary and Mary have come to place warm oils on a cold body and bid a final farewell to the Savior who can save no more. To seal the grave of the one man who gave reason to their hopes.

But it isn't hope that leads these women along the path to the tomb.
It is duty. Naked devotion.
They expect nothing in return, for what could Jesus give? What could a dead man offer?
Mary and Mary are not going to the tomb to receive. They are going to give. Period.
And there is no motivation more noble.

There are times when we too are called to keep on going even when it's dark. Times when we are called to give, expecting nothing in return. To love those who don't necessarily love us. Give to people who will never say thanks. Forgive those who won't forgive us. To come early and stay late. To keep going when all is lost.
Service prompted by duty. This is the call of discipleship.

Mary and Mary knew a task had to be done. Perhaps the most horrid task that has ever been - the body of the Savior, even their Savior, had to be prepared for burial and all hopes, dreams and miracles were going with him.
But someone had to do it. Someone had to keep going even when there was no reason or hope of faith.

I wonder what would have happened if half way to the tomb they had sat down and reconsidered.
What would have happened if they had determined that there just wasn't enough to keep them going and they looked at each other and shrugged, "What's the use?". What if they had given up? What if they had let frustration become defeat and thrown up their arms in surrender and bemoaned, "There's just no point anymore". Or, "I'm tired of being the only one who cares". Or, "Let the apostles do it".

Whether they were tempted to do so, I don't know, but I'm glad they didn't quit. That would have been tragic.
You see, we know something they didn't. We know that God was watching.
Mary and Mary thought they were alone but they weren't. They thought their journey was unnoticed but they were wrong.
God knew and he was taking notice. He was watching them walk that dreary path to the tomb and he was measuring their steps. He was pleased with their devotion and thrilled at their loyalty.
And he had a surprise for them.

For "behold, there was a great earthquake: for the angel of the Lord descended from heaven, and came and rolled back the stone from the [sepulcher]" (Matthew 28:2).

Have you ever thought why the angel moved the stone? Or for whom?
For Jesus?

That's what I always thought. I just assumed that the angel moved the stone so Jesus could come out. But think about it.
Did the stone have to be moved in order for Christ to exit? Did he have to have help? Was the Son of God, who conquered death, so weak that he couldn't move a rock?
I don't think so. Even the text gives us the impression that Christ was already out when the stone was moved. The sepulchre wasn't opened for Jesus. It was opened for Mary and Mary.
Not so Jesus could come out, but so the women could see in. Even so that "They said among themselves, who shall roll us away the stone? ... And when they looked, they saw that the stone was rolled away"(Mark 16:3-4). "And the angel said unto the women,... Come, see the place where the Lord lay. [Now] go quickly and tell his disciples that he is risen from the dead"(Matthew 28:5-7).

Suddenly it's okay to dream again.
The darkness is gone. The sun is rising (Mark16:2) and the Son has risen.

Mary and Mary don't have to be told twice so "they departed quickly and did run. And as they went, Jesus met them saying,... Be not afraid... I am with you always"(Matthew 28:8-10, 20).

God does that for the faithful:

Just when the womb is too old for a baby, Sarah gets pregnant.
Just when the failure is too great for grace, David is pardoned.
And just when there's nothing more to go for, the angel glows and the Savior shows and Mary and Mary will never, never be the same.

The lesson? Three words; Don't give up.

Is the sky dark? Don't sit.

Is the task dreary? Don't stop.

Is the road long? Don't quit.

God is watching, and for all you know, right at this moment he may be sending the angel to move your stone.

The check IS in the mail.

The apology IS in the making.

The promotion IS on the desk.

Forgiveness IS awaiting.

And there really IS light at the end of the tunnel.

GOD STILL SEND ANGELS AND GOD STILL MOVES STONES.

100 things about Dave

1. I love lists. In fact, I'm thinking of starting an anonymous blog where I can make lots of lists. It would be private and no one would be allowed to see it. I think it would be therapeutic for me but just annoy everyone else so that's why it would be private.

2. I love filling out forms too.

3. Rumor has it I'm pretty anal... maybe even OCD. I just like things organized. Neat and tidy. That's probably why I like filling out forms... it sets the record strait.

4. I love clean shoes the most and I hate dirty shoes the most. (in hind sight I think I might have mistaken what I thought was love for an attraction to a girl who was always very well presented but specifically always wore nice clean shoes).

5. I'm serious about the "hindsight" epilogue on # 4.

6. I owe the Bolivian government $30. I will never ever under any circumstances pay the Bolivian government back because they made me sit outside the immigration office with a sign begging for said $30.

7. I once had both of my arms held by Bolivian policemen in the La Paz immigration office while a government official demanded that I define what "bull crap" meant.

8. I don't like rainbows. I know they're natural but I think they're just too tacky for nature.

9. I hit a tree while riding my bike in Vermont on Mt. Snow going about 60 mph. It knocked me stupid and I couldn't stop laughing. Apparently that's a symptom of a concussion.

10. Before I fall asleep every night my legs twitch violently. Yep, pretty much EVERY night. That Ashlee is a lucky lady.

11. I grumble things like "Nuts!" and "Garbage!" when I work on the house and get frustrated. I get this from my dad.

12. I'm turning into my dad in more ways than just murmuring "Nuts!" and "Garbage!" when I'm working on the house and get frustrated.

13. I know how to knit. In fact I've knit over 25 hats, a sweater, even a sweater-vest.

14. I'm not ashamed that I know how to knit because it is just plain cool knowing how to knit. With a little polishing I bet I could hold my own in any homemaking meeting in any ward on any Tuesday night.

15. I NEVER EVER park in handicapped parking spaces and if you do you are lazy and insensitive (well, that is unless you have a handicap) but I like to take the handicap stall in public restrooms if it's available because it's so roomy. Is that hypocritical?

16. I really identify with what I wear and if I realize I don't like what I'm wearing it will annoy me until I can change my clothes. And I WILL change my clothes. As soon as I can. And I will be in a very sour mood if I decide halfway through the day that I hate the clothes I'm wearing and can't change them.

17. I'm really awful at telling jokes because:

A) I get to thinking about the punch line and begin laughing before I can finish

B) I forget the main part of the joke and only remember the punch line

18. I can't figure out why anyone would not be a fan of David Gray. It just doesn't make any sense to me.

19. I think suspenders are ridiculous.

20. But if they look like measuring tapes they're okay.

21. I love breakfast.

22. But love the idea of breakfast even more.

23. I did some roofing during a summer at college.

24. It was HOT.

25. and it was DIRTY.

26. and it was MISERABLE.

27. #'s 23, 24, 25 and 26 taught me the value of a getting a good education.

28. I hate surprises. I'm not kidding. I HATE them.

29. In fourth grade I wanted to audition for a hot-wheels commercial but didn't have the connections which turned out very unlucky for me. Out of the final actors, Leonardo DiCaprio was chosen. He would end up pretty famous.

30. I drink a chocolate milk in the grocery store every time I go shopping.

31. I always tell the clerk, "Hey this one is empty can I get a different one". Ashlee never laughs but I think Max enjoys my humor.

32. I could eat carrots and cucumbers all day long. They're like natures tooth-brushes.

33. When I shave my head some say I look like Lance Armstrong. I get Mel Gibson when I grow it out.

34. I once went 30 days without washing my hair.

35. I will never ever go 30 days without washing my hair ever again.

36. On my mission I lived in a 3rd world country for 2 years; I lived at elevations between 12,000 and 17,000 feet where the air is thin, the shade is freezing, but the sun so intense that it burned me so much I had permanent scabs on my scalp and nose. I took cold showers, washed my clothes by hand, and the only source of heat was in my sleeping bag. I ate next to nothing but potatoes the entire time, a bug laid eggs in my ear, I broke my leg, ripped all the tendons in my ankle, snapped the knuckle on my big toe, got Ecoli and Salmonella poisoning, threw up more times than Monty Pythons "Life of Brian" and "Stand By Me" combined, and lost one of my closest friends. I think back on my mission and consider it two of the greatest years of my life.

37. The Garden Tomb in Jerusalem is the most peaceful place I have ever been in my entire life.

38. I love speaking in public and love teaching even more.

39. I taught 7th and 8th grade at Northwest Middle School in Rose Park.

40. I had to explain to 7th and 8th graders why 50Cent (the rapper) could not be the new school mascot after a school-wide survey showed 86% of the student body wanted 50Cent to be their new mascot.

41. I think 41 things about me is enough and 100 things about me would be too much.

My 1st OHFITAA post (Overlooked Historical Figures I Think Are Awesome): The Stone of Scone

I'll admit I was a hair hesitant about today's Overlooked Historical Figures I Think Are Awesome (OHFITAA). First of all, I'll venture that the OHFITAA post won't get much positive feedback so it will probably be the last OHFITAA post. Second of all, I really wanted to do a New Year's themed OHFITAA, but couldn't really think of one that moved me. However, today's choice has everything a OHFITAA needs, plus rhyming.

Today's OHFITAA is the Stone of Scone! Da Daaaaa! Sure you can go head to head with me about a stone not being a 'figure' per say- but really, who cares? This post stinks already.

The Stone of Scone or "Stone of Destiny" (I didn't make up that awesome name) currently sits in Edinburgh Castle in Scotland. It is an oblong block of red sandstone about 26 inches by 16 inches by 10.5 inches in size and weighing approximately 336 pounds. The top bears chisel-marks. At each end of the stone is an iron ring, apparently intended to make transport easier. Historically, the artifact was kept at the now-ruined abbey in Scone, near Perth, Scotland. It was used for centuries in the coronation of the monarchs of Scotland, the monarchs of England, and, more recently, British Monarchs.

The stone originated in The Holy Land and was used by Jacob from the Bible as a pillow. It made it's way up to Spain before being brought to Ireland by that little lovable leprechaun St. Patrick himself. Ok this is wear the story gets awesome. For centuries, every Scottish monarch sat on the stone of destiny during his coronation. Twas truly a magic stone.

The stone was stolen from the Scots in 1296 when Edward "The Hammer of the Scots" the 1st, sacked Edinburgh and removed the stone as a final humiliation to the Scots. A hundred years later some British monarch promised to return the stone, but the Brits never got around to it, and so it sat in England until 1950.

That year 4 awesome college-aged Scottish rabble rousers drove their car to Westminster Abby, grabbed the stone, threw it into their trunk (thereby breaking it in two) and drove off to Scotland with it. They hid it in a church hoping the Church of Scotland wouldn't give it back. When the Brits threatened to burn the church down and reinstate the policy of prima noctae the church capitulated and handed it back. But not before screaming "FREEEEDOM!".

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(I told you this post stinks. If not for tying in the clever William Wallace "FREEEDOM" reference at the end, I might not have posted this blog at all... lucky for you)

All I wanted for Christmas...

I like Sufjan Stevens. I honestly do. But a five disc christmas anthology? I think that even Santa Clause would have a hard time getting behind that. Hold on...

Ya he just called and said that five discs is waaay to many. Well there you have it, from Santa himself.

It's been nice knowing ya Japan!

Have you seen this!? A group of Japanese fishermen captured a giant squid on video as it attacked and ate an octopus stealing from their fishing line. Yah, I know! A GIANT SQUID!!??

Until now I've always taken refuge in the thought that these kinds of things didn't really exist and were the stuff of bad science fiction.

I used to watch with rapt attention as Kirk Douglas, James Mason et al. did battle with giant sea squid in Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea and subsequently grew up terrified of such things lurking below. Let me pedantically explain that I don't much like the idea of any kind of water invertebrate. Not even the really small ones like box jellyfish that can cause excruciatingly painful stings with only a few picogrammes of venom. And now we're coming up with GIANT SQUID!? These things are almost as bad as anything Jules Verne and Walt Disney could ever dream up. Wait a minute! They ARE just as bad! Even worse because they are coming out of the seas around Japan. Man I've seen Godzilla and believe me, nothing good comes out of the seas around Japan. Not even Bruce Lee. He might or might not even be from Japan... maybe China or the University of Washington. Either way, brace yourself Japan because you got it comin' to ya.

the dilemma

di-lem-ma (di lema), n., pl. 1. a situation requiring a choice between equally undesirable alternatives.

Beard?

Mustache?

I demonstrate. You decide.