Something to hate

I love it when I discover there is something new that I hate. To be honest with you it's not so often so when it does happen, I'm obliged to pay considerable attention. As I walked to my car this morning I thought to myself, "Oh my gosh! I really hate this." But let me backstory you for a second. And yes, I used 'backstory' as a verb. I do those kind of things.

I have only recently begun wearing glasses again after almost a 7 year forced hiatus. I stopped wearing glasses after, as a young return missionary, some girl I was kissing rolled off the couch and smashed my glasses into a little tumble of metal and glass. I had taken them off because glasses are terribly awkward to wear while kissing. I discovered this on my mission. TOTALLY kidding! I mean I'm sure I could have found a Bolivian worth kissing despite the missing teeth and lack of showers but I just wasn't in the mood. Bolivia will do that to you.

Anyway, since I was a tight-wad glasses never made it back onto my 'things I should buy' radar and I just wore contacts. Last year, for some reason, I decided I really did want glasses and went out and bought a jaunty, scholarly pair. Joey said they look emo, but Joey usually looks homeless, so I question the veracity of his claim. I think I look like Ira Glass in them, only hotter and less Jewish. Now this brings me to what I hate; not Ira Glass mind you. I love Ira Glass.

I capital-h Hate walking in the rain while wearing glasses. I have no idea how people do it. It has got to be one of the worst things on earth. (9 out of 10 genocide survivors agree that having to walk around wearing glasses while it is raining is absolutely the worst thing ever.) You can never see anything and then as soon as you are inside you have to untuck your shirt to clean off the water. Perhaps I should just gay-up and buy an umbrella; or perhaps I should not and continue to experience that giddy little rush of hate whenever it rains.