So I don't necessarily have a rant about creamed corn other than it could only have come from the dirty dirty South. But I do have a rant about Pork n Beans which will suffice.
What's the deal with the blob of white fatty tissue that pops up half way through your bowl of pork n beans? You know what I'm talking about. It's that danged gelatinous mass of brain tumor that for some reason Heinz decides to leave in the can! And why is it that pork n beans can only be served on plates made of Styrofoam or paper? Neither lend to a suitable situation. It either keeps soaking through your paper plates until you've got 14 of them piled up to stop the bleeding or you were lucky enough to get a Styrofoam one but you screwed it all up because you poked your flipping fork right through it and now your balancing your plate so the juice doesn't drip through the hole onto your pants.
Despite the hassle I used to love Pork and Beans when I was a kid. And I mean LOVE pork and beans. Mostly we just ate them on camping trips because that was the way we rolled. Pimpin' the '64 DrummerBoy pop-tent trailer (my dad still protests, "It was Salmon, NOT pink!") was like a pork n bean pantry on wheels. We'd pull into the campground, pop that trailer and eat pork n beans by the fire all night. Sometimes mum would make it extra delightful and throw in a cut up hot dog. YATZEE!
Anyway. I loved me some of them pork and beans. And I loved em good. Until, that is, I spooned up the biggest chunk of white pork n bean fat that humanity has ever documented and I asked my brother what it was. He said it was the "mother bean" and that I should eat it because they were delish! He furthered the deceit by asking if he could have it. (BTW, this is the same big brother that had me convinced the daylight moon was the Deathstar and that Vader was watching me at all times and in all places). Upon his advice (alright, it was probably more his wanting it that urged me to eat it myself) I slurped it in my mouth, tried to chew a bite, smooooshed it with my tongue and then gagged a puke. Alas, I have never bean able to eat Pork and Beans since.
The "Mother Bean"...freak. I shall ne'er be the same.
6 comments:
oh man, your brother is awesome!!
I hated pork n beans...but for some reason, you throw a cut up hot dog in there and all is well...the "mother bean" though? Jon is a genius.
Deb gave me your blog address. I really need to thank her! That was the best thing I've read all week! Pork n beans are sick.
dave you are hilarious! sayin what we've all been thinkin!
Look Dave, a new fan!! woo-hoo! :)
Thanks for the laugh. I'm still grinning. Love your blog.
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