Getting to know Ashlee

As many of you already know, I was able to find someone who liked being around me enough to waste away the rest of her life by actually marrying me. I'm sure you'd all like to know a little bit more about her so I've decided to start a regular feature called, "Getting to know Ashlee".

Dave: Okay, first question. Just fill in the blank. Robert Redford is blank.

Ashlee: That wasn't a very good blank. I don't really know anything about Robert Redford.

Dave: What's the worst thing you've ever done? And this is an interview so you can't lie.

Ashlee: Broke your bike when I drove the Volvo into the parking garage with it on top.

Dave: Really. Breaking my bike was the worst thing you've ever done?

Ashlee: I used to use the forks in the breakroom at work all the time even though I didn't sign up for the 'employe club'. But I stopped doing that.

Dave: Wow. You are like a disciple or something but without a beard. Next question: Kermit or Earnie?

Ashlee: Kermit. Earnie looks too much like a person.

Dave: You don't want to date someone who looks like a person? You'd rather date a frog?

Ashlee: I didn't know the question referred to who I'd rather date. I just figured you meant which do I like better. Like Coke or Pepsi or sunsets or sunrises, etc.

Dave: Okay, would you rather date Coke or Pepsi?

Ashlee:

Dave: You haven't answered my question.

Ashlee: What question? The Coke question? Really? I wouldn't date Coke or Pepsi.

Dave: What if it was a giant Coke that made you feel like you could be yourself around it and it really liked watching "The Bachelor"?

Ashlee: This interview is lame.

Dave: Fresca?

Ashlee: I would only date a person.

Dave: Howabout Kermit or Earnie?

Ashlee: Kermit.

Dave: But he's a frog. You know that right?

Ashlee: Green is my favorite color and Kermit is more loved by his fans than Earnie. Nobody loves Earnie.

Dave: Bert does. And so could you.

Ashlee: I can hardly remember what Earnie looks like.

Dave: That's really vain. Besides, Kermit is gay.

Ashlee: Kermit is not gay.

Dave: He sings about rainbows.

Ashlee: Whatever. He's just sensitive and he loves Miss Piggy so he's cool with a girl with an apetite.

Dave: So you'd rather date a mopey frog who likes fat chicks instead of a young urban guy who looks like a person.

Ashlee: Their both muppets so I don't think it matters if Kermit is a frog.

Dave: Moving on. On a scale of 1 to 10, how hot is your husband?

Ashlee: about a 5 - pretty average.

Dave: Nice...

Ashlee: Is that the interview?