Do you know what Europeans love more than "The Hoff"?

Southern Utah, specifically Zion National Park. And frankly so do I. Suppose that's why Ashlee and I go there as much as we do.

Havasu Falls was flooded out the week before our permit reservation so we had to change plans last minute and decided to hit Zion instead.

We hiked The Narrows...




Angel's Landing...





Keyhole Canyon...



I told you we didn't need wet-suites. Okay, they woulda been nice but we didn't really need them per se.

Sorry CJ, I had to crop you outta the photo cause you're flashing G's... sinner.

Kanarra Creek...



and Rocky Mouth Canyon...

I work really really hard.

Listen. I'm in my office by 10:30 AM sharp. I don't leave for lunch until 11:00 and I'm always back by 3:00. Even then I stay until 4:00 PM so I don't get home until 4:15. Besides, working every other day is demanding so I think it's just fine if I take three hours out of my work-day to post to my blog, don't you?

Only Seven Years to Go Until 2015 !

So one of my friends just got a new phone that streams live television via cell reception. It's a little unlike portable tv's of the past because this thing actually works. Hate to say it though, but as cool as it is doesn't it seem about 10 years too late?

I mean if Back to the Future had it all figured out in 1985 (and let me tell you; this 8 year old Dave was convinced that Back to the Future had EVERYTHING figured out... sweet "pick-up" trucks and of course time travel) shouldn't we have had portable tv's before the year 2000? Come on! I've got Star Wars and The Rocketeer telling me that jet-packs were an actual possibility over 10 years ago!? I blame them for making me feel like science owes me a fully functioning flying back-pack. Maybe its Jansport that needs do that R&D because NASA doesn't seem to stay focused. Don't even get me started on flying cars!

Mattel better get on the ball because I expect hover boards to be a universal toy among children within the next five years. Back to the Future II was set in 2015, but the hover boards seemed pretty common place so I figure they were released at least two years before that. The clock's ticking.

Dangit! Dangitall to heck!

My posts are going sans visual aid and boring now because my camera is busted.

Fantasyland Football

So for those of you who know me (lucky suckers) you know that I am a pretty big sport’s fan. Yah that’s right. I qualify as one of the unwashed, unread morons that scream and yell at the TV, throw the remote and then curse the gods for my misery when a group of athletes break my heart.

As for Fantasyland Football; I’m just plain against it. Look, I know I’m in the minority on this one. Every person who claims to be a football fan is geeking over fantasy football in every office in corporate America. However, I believe football is a glorious enough sport to be appreciated and savored on its face value. I don't have to make up a little imaginary game within the game to enjoy it. If you need to do that to be interested, you’re not a football fan. You're a closet Dungeons and Dragons Master.

For the fantasy players that are real football fans, I'm warning you; it messes with your loyalties. Want proof? Here's a test. If you hate the Cowboys (and you should - sorry uncle Mark) and you drafted Tony Romo for your quarterback, how are you going to feel when the Eagles have a late game lead, but the Cowboy’s are driving?

A) You hope Romo fumbles away yet another big game = You're a real football fan.

B) You hope Romo passes for another 30 yards to bring up his quarterback rating = Dungeons and Dragons Master who sold his soul to the stat geek, nerd-world of pseudo fandom. For shame.

And one more thing. If you are one of these guys that loves fantasy football more than actual football, please keep it to yourself. No one cares about your fantasy football team. Ever. No matter how brilliant your lineup substitution may have been, unless someone specifically asks you about it, don't walk into the office and start bragging about it because no one gives a

It’s like talking about your blog. Nothing wrong with having a blog (I hope) just don’t talk about it. If someone else brings it up, fine. But don’t ever start a sentence, “So have you read my blog? I wrote yesterday about how SHSHSHSHSHSH”. See that’s what happens to the person listening. Your voice turns into white noise. Talking about fantasy football does the same thing. Here, I'll prove it...

"So I drafted both Plaxico Burress and Terrell Owens, but I could only play one of them so I decided to SHSHSHSHSHSH". See.

Now, if on the other hand you want to talk about the actual game, let's shoot the bull...

But it has to be real football, a game that actually happened and was a documented event witnessed by those not watching Lord of the Rings instead of the game (wait? She's in Lord of the Rings? Can we TiVo the game?) Your brilliance in managing a fantasy team exists only in the world of hypotheticals and therefore is of no value to anyone outside of that same land of make believe.

The good guys won.

Do you remember at the end of Return of the Jedi, when Darth Vader grabs the Emporor and throws him down the conveniently located bottomless pit? The Empire was dead. No more dark side of the force.

Well my friends, that is exactly what happened last week in Yankee Stadium. In the 8th inning, 2007 Rookie of the Year Dustin Pedroia hit a grand slam, clinching the game and the last series played between the Red Sox and the dirty dirty Yankees in Yankee Stadium. It also effectively killed whatever hope the filthy Yankees had of catching the Red Sox in the wild card race. For the first time since 1994, the most evil team in professional sports (Lakers are a close second) will not be in the playoffs. So there Steinbrenner.

Knowing the Yankees are dead maks me want to dance around a bonfire with a bunch of Ewoks singing the celebration song.

By the way, how awesome is it that all I have to do is google "yub yub" and I can immediately access the lyrics of the original Ewok song, complete with translation? Glorious nerds and their internet. Here's the link so you can sing along. And yes, I know the Yankees beat the Sox the next day avoiding the sweep but I don't care. The Yankees remain dead. Light the match.

You and your stupid gear.

I stopped by a couple of shops this afternoon to pick up some stuff for Zion. By the way, the park is neither plural nor possessive. Don't call it Zions. It is Zion National Park. In short, Zion. Drop the 's'.

And can I also just say that it uber-sucks to have planned on going to Havasu Falls for 9 months only to have it closed due to crazy flooding the week before our permit. (btw; I talked to the permit office yesterday and the report is that Havasu will be closed for a YEAR to a YEAR AND A HALF?! Lame. (if it's an option, who wants to go down with me to help rebuild bridges and give a hand to Supai? Seriously. I'm looking into it.)

Moving on. Why does the namby pamby sales clerk at every outdoor recreation shop interrogate you ("Where are you headed? What routes are you climbing? How experienced are you?") when you explain a trip like it's his backyard and he knows much more about it than you do? Truth be known, most of them are pasty white, indoorsey sales clerks who read about adventures more than they actually go on them. Fact is Tim -you don't mind if I call you Timmie do you?- if you've ever done Keyhole Canyon you'd realize that no, no you won't "probably die". You will have fun. But that's not my point.

My point is that these same know-it-all-even-though-I've-never-done-any-of-it clerks try to sell you every piece of equipment ever invented because "you will need it". Well, that's not really my point either, but it does lead to my point. Okay, so here's my point;

I love gear. But I hate gear. Gear is the giant, black jacked-up trucks of the outdoor/athletic world. No one on earth needs a truck that big. No one on earth needs all the gear Timmie tries to push on you. And no one, no one (thanks Alicia Keys) needs an Arc' Teryx Alpha LT Jacket for the three hours of 'powder' skiing they'll do at Sundance this year. Yet every time I go out, I see these miserable debacles. And every time, the people who are drowning in their overpriced garb look like SAR is going to have to rescue them any minute.

See, I love the guy who's outside, braving the elements in his worn out flannel jacket, trudging past all the yuppies in the most expensive gear you can find. And I love the guy who's riding his 20 year old bike up a hill in a worn t-shirt, wearing gardening gloves while he pedals past the guy who looks like he's got a factory sponsor.

For me, the fun of an activity is inversely related to the amount of gear needed to do it. I've found most endeavors don't need -contrary to what all the fools at REI tell you- that much stuff. You can have fun on a weekend campout without a full titanium cookset or custom built hiking boots. A pan from the cupboard and tennis shoes work just fine. So does your old carabiner and so does your dad's hand-me-down 1964 pop-tent trailer with squeaky wheels and ripped canvas. But good luck walking into any outdoor store and telling the "I-buy-everything-not-because-I-use-it-but-more-so-because-I-get-a-discount" employees that that is your plan. They will look at you like the 11 looked at Judas and then introduce you to new titanium laced shoelaces. Waaaaaaaaaaay better than normal shoelaces.

my fix

The new Specialized Langster might just be the coolest bike out there and not only because it doesn't come with breaks (btw: riding without breaks might just be the most fun you can have on a bike. I know this because I rode such a bike on my mission -if anyone wants to feel the hand of God in their life, try riding through La Paz for two years on a seat-less South American made piece of caca. A bike whose inadequate brakes stopped working two days after I bought it wherewith the lack of stopping power led to many a surprised Boliviano as they watched me superman across the hood of a taxi or in front of a minibus-). Not on this bike though. That's because it is a true fixie...

...that's 'fixed gear' to those of you who haven't been in a bike shop since... um, ever.

Michael Phelps, if you're reading this; you're rich now and I cheered you on during your quest for Gold so I feel you owe me one. Besides, it's a scant $740 and my birthday's coming.

Our weekend can beat up your weekend.

Big Cottonwood Canyon
-cooking dinner in the back of the car-

-and throwing rocks in the river-
Biking up Wild Rose to SLC overlook



East Canyon
Hiking Angels Landing in Zion National Park

Hell.
Heaven.
Drinking from the garden hose.


Bear Lake
wake boarding...
crashing...
and bleeding.
Max loves to husk corn when he's not playing with large knives left out by his careless parents.


blogging about it.

Massive Dead Snake

We are in trouble...

I just looked at my blog and immediately grew weary of having a giant unicorn at the top of the page. So this is really just to get rid of that giant unicorn. Still, I think you should consider this.

The population of this country is 300 million.

160 million are retired.

That leaves 140 million to do the work.

There are 85 million in school.

Which leaves 55 million to do the work.

Of this there are 35 million employed by the federal government.

Leaving 15 million to do the work.

2.8 million are in the armed forces preoccupied with killing Osama Bin-Laden.

Which leaves 12.2 million to do the work.

Take from that total the 10.8 million people who work for state and city Governments.

That leaves 1.4 million to do the work.

At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals.

Leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.

Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.

And that leaves just two people to do the work.

You and me.

And there you are,

Sitting on your butt,

At your computer,

Reading jokes.

Nice. Real nice.

5 girly songs I like and I don't care who knows it!

You know the songs played during commercials that sell a bunch of crap you don’t want, being shown during a show that you don’t watch? No? Oh yes you do. I've seen the flo-rider in your basement and listened as you held your own in a conversation with your wife's friends about what should happen in next week's episode. So why don't you just stop trying to cover it up? Besides, it happens to the best of us. Even I (a real red blooded American Man who loves his cheeseburgers and football) let my guard down once. It was only mere seconds but long enough that they laid eggs in my head which hatched weeks later and I found myself singing Wilson Phillips at the top of my lungs while driving to work!. I hate those songs... and then again, perhaps I don't.
-

Perhaps, like being friends with Aaron B in 7th grade (he was a nice enough guy but he would get off the bus with me and my friends and follow me home and stay over until my family started dinner and I had to tell him to go. Dude, admit it; there are 'talk to you while riding the school bus' kind of friends and there are 'I'm not specifically inviting you over because I already know we're going to hang out after school anyway' kind of friends. Aaron was the former.) it wasn't the coolest thing for people to know you hung out. But he wasn't all that lame so you didn't mind going down to the marina together to kill pigeons for the harbor-master. Or pull crabs off the dock and then dare each other to let them pinch your finger. Regardless, it was more so because of his sheer persistence that I ended up hanging out with Aaron a lot and actually started to enjoy our debacles.

-

Back to the topic at hand; like Aaron, I never invited these songs over but they stayed anyway and they kept coming back so often that I've grown fond of them. The fact that they are completely girly was tricky to manage when I was single... I mean how do you handle pulling up to the gas pump and opening the door while one of these songs is blasting from your speakers and the guy on the Harley chopper all tatted out and dressed in leather looks at you like you're a fruitcake? Now that I'm married I just act all embarrassed and point to Ashlee sitting in the passenger seat. It's nothing a nonchalant shrug and disguised wife blaming can't get you out of.

Anyway, this is a list of Aaron B songs that I end up kind of liking.

Disclaimer: This list by no means is meant to be my complete collection of femininish songs I like. In fact I have a deep appreciation for many female song writers and bands that feature female vocalists. For example, Ani Difranco, Rilo Kiley, Gillian Welch, Mazzy Star, Cowboy Junkies to name a few. These are all artists I have genuine respect, affection and appreciation for (or at least can't say anything bad about without my wife getting pissed. Untouchables really.). The following however, is a list of crap that despite being crap, I still reluctantly enjoy.

And now, with all of that out of the way and in the interest of humiliating, public, self exposure that blogs are famous for, I give you five girly songs that I am ashamed to kind of like.

1. “Last Thing of Your Mind” by Lights – For the love of crap, what is wrong with me? This song is from an Old Navy commercial. Although, I was relieved to find out this wasn’t by Ashley Simpson. For some reason I thought it was and for about a week I lived with crushing conflict and had to deal with the moral dilemma of kind of liking an Ashley Simpson song. If that were the case, I would never admit it. Just for fun, here’s a great clip of what should have been one of the more humbling moments in her career. On second thought, it’s too hard to pick just one so here’s another.

2. "I Love You Always Forever" by Donna Lewis – That’s right! I don’t care who knows it. Now it must be made clear that this is a list of songs I ‘kind of like’ in that I don’t wish them any specific harm. On the other hand, I have 80 gigs of music on i-tunes and this is not featured. BUT, when it's playing in a supermarket as I’m buying frozen burritos (it's my turn to cook dinner tonight) I find myself doing a slow shoulder shimmy to the chorus while mouthing the words with my eyes closed. I also had a mission companion who would play this song while he penned away to his girlfriend. It was really a hilarious thing to observe. I mean how many clichés can one moment include? So maybe that’s where my affection for this thing comes from. I don't know but I do know that it was introduced to me during the enforced Michael McLean / Afterglow / EFY Soundtrack / Mormon Tabernacle Choir stage of my music listening life. When you’re starving to death, sometimes a dead and rotting cow carcass can look kind of tasty. By the way, she dumped him like a month later. I guess his eyes just weren’t blue enough.

3. “Kiss Me” by Sixpence None the Richer – This is one I have a hard time justifying. There’s no excuse here and the chick who sings it is really freaky looking. Let’s just pretend I didn’t bring this up. In fact, let us never speak of it again.

4. “Precious Moments” by the Three Degrees – This one I am actually not ashamed to embrace at all and it is featured on my not-as-cool-as-an-i-phone, blackberry pearl. This is classic 70’s soul baby, complete with the standard weepy string section. I love the intro... "wooooh ooooh, waaaah aaaaah" and so does Bill in “Kill Bill”. He actually references this as his favorite. So how girly can it really be if David Carradine likes it? He was Caine on Kung Fu, for heaven sakes.

5. “Kiss Me Deadly” by Lita Ford - HA! This song in no way applies to this category. It is in fact the opposite of everything else on this list. I make no apologies for rocking out to this gem. I chose it mostly to cleanse the pallet of all that estrogen from the previous four songs. I was starting to get cramps from typing all that girly fluff. This song is here to illustrate that chicks can still kick a**. Especially while crawling on the ground in a wind tunnel. With a keytar. And random ice blocks in a warehouse. Oh and dressed in a thong leotard thingy with boots and matching knee pads. Somewhere, right now, at this very moment, a weary Lita Ford is belting this classic out for a half sold out rodeo arena full of shirtless, mulletted GEDers who are wondering whether she has any tread left on her tires. God bless you Lita and God bless your Butt Rock.

memoirs of a scam artist

My last post about Luiza the unlucky scam artist got me remembering my first encounter with email scams. Luck would have it that Microsoft Outlook happens to be cool enough to save any/all emails just for the sort of nostalgic memoir you're about the enjoy.

Before hitching my wagon to the love-train and marrying Ashlee I lived over by the U on 11th and hated it. There was nothing to like about his place. Well except for the address, which happened to be 1040 East Norris Drive... Exactly. As in CHUCK NORRIS. But like Juliet, I often pondered the simple questions like, "what's in a name?" and I couldn't talk myself into living there even if it was on [Chuck] Norris Drive -and I think that's how the street sign should have been printed... "[Chuck] Norris Drive"- But it wasn't so I decided to go.

I advertised the apartment on Craigslist and figured I might as well try to sub-let my room because the slum-lord wouldn't let me out of the contract. All I could hope for was that some unsuspecting foreign national wouldn't understand that I lived in the ghetto. What? SLC doesn't have a ghetto? You've clearly never been to [Chuck] Norris Drive.

Well never in my wildest dreams did I think a starving Canadian Hugo Boss model living in the UK would want to grace my basement with her presence. But my friends, sure enough, that is what I stumbled upon. Just look at what came calling;

From: Donna Gill [mailto:donnagill_1@yahoo.com]

Sent: Thursday, August 03, 2001 11:13 AM

To: Vogelsberg, David

Subject: Urgent reply needed

Hello, I am interested in renting your room. Here is a little info about myself. I am Donna Gill. And i am 29 years old. I am a Canadian but at present i'm in england, but will be coming over to The United States in a couple of weeks. Consequent to this and in order to make settling in much easier and quicker i am searching for an accomodation early and i saw your ad on the site and i want to make reservations for your apartment. I can assure you that you will not have any regrets letting out this apartment to me & having me as a room mate. I am an introvert by nature & i get along much easily with most people. I will be coming over alone, with no family or pets. I do not smoke and i drink very lightly. My reason for moving is because i have three job offers which i am undecided which to choose & the pay is very good. I'm a model and just got some new contracts and dont intend to spend more than 2-3 months in America. Please reply to me as soon as you read this email. I will be waiting to hear from you. Kindly contact me via email. Also if you have a yahoo messenger you could add me. My yahoo id is donnagill_1 and email is donnagill_1@yahoo.com. so you could add me. Thank you once more Yours sincerly Donna Gill.

Well Hello Donna Gill!!! What a go getter! Not only a full time model, but also has three job offers! And the kicker; she won't be trying to move any of her family into my basement as well...? I write back...

Ok Donna, I don't think you understand. You wouldn't be my roommate. You would be subletting. Also the room isn't furnished. Also I don't know why it would matter that you are a model.

I think to myself, "Self, it seems like Donna might be an email scammer." Imagine my luck!!! Bored out of my mind at work and I get solicited by Donna Gill! She writes back...

From: Donna Gill [mailto:donnagill_1@yahoo.com]

Sent: Thursday, August 03, 2001 11:40 AM

To: Vogelsberg, David

Subject: Urgent reply needed

Hello David, Thanks for your reply... I intend to move to the states in September. I am willing to pay you the rental fee. Well i'll need your favour on something which would also serve as my means of payment. My Boss owes me some funds and i told him that i've secured a room, he agreed to pay up and said he'll inform his partner in Canada to send a US certified check to you. Send me your full name, address and phone number to send the payment across to you. Once you receive it, kindly take them to your bank & have them cashed. From this you can deduct the total amount for the room & in due course of time i will forward to you my name & address to have some of the balance sent back to me. With this i will be able to buy my ticket & pay for freight fee that will be bringing my things over. The remaining i will pick up when i arrive. I wont be bringing much over as i intend to buy most afresh there. But my PC will be coming with me surely & other personal belongings. Thank you so very much for understanding. i hope to hear from you soon. Yours with all sincerity Donna.

Apparently Donna is willing to "pay the rental fee". Good call babe since that's what we do when we rent something. Also she will be buying her things "afresh" here? Actually go back and read it with a thick English accent. Now isn't that better. I write back...

Donna, So you really are a model!!? Oh man I bet you are totally hot!!! I assume by the fact that you capitalized "Boss" you must mean Hugo Boss. Have you worked with him? I look forward to seeing some shots from your portfolio!

Donna promptly replies and guess what!? She is a Hugo Boss model!!!

From: Donna Gill [mailto:donnagill_1@yahoo.com]
Sent: Thursday, August 03, 2001 12:08 PM
To: Vogelsberg, David
Subject: Urgent reply needed

Hello David, I am Glad to hear from you. I dont have any modelling shots now, cos i was caught from in talent hunt done by Hugo Boss in the Uk... So kindly get back to me with your full name, contact address and phone number, so i can forward it over to my boss soonest for payment issuance in a timely manner. Thanks and have a nice day. Regards Donna

I figured that since she is so anxious to move in I should show her what she is getting into. I attached this picture and wrote back...

Donna I need to perfectly honest about the room. It really is kind of a wreck. I mean you could fix it up, but it would take quite a bit of work. The previous owner seemed to really "like" cats. If cat urine doesn't bother you than I think I have the dream place for you. I just want to make sure you know what you are getting into. I have attached a photo of the room in its current condition. I am still finding some cat carcasses but those should be gone by the time you move in.

Donna, who is the most low maintenance model EVER writes back...

David, Thanks for the mail... I can cope with the cat issue. I have seen the pics and its okay with me. So kindly get back with your information for payment. Thanks and expect your mail soonest. Regards, Donna

Ok, having a random cat pee spot on the rug is a "cat issue." Pulling rotting cat corpses out of a room you are trying to rent seems like it is much more than an "issue." I wrote back and attached a picture.

Donna, Ok since you really don't mind the room, which is totally amazing since it reeks of rotting cat carcasses, I need your help with something. The city has threatened to condemn the house unless I can pay a $1,000 dollar fine. If you agree to move into the house I will need you to help out with this fine. However I won't have the money for a couple of weeks. I need your address so I can tell the city to send the bill to you. These are pretty pleasant to work with and the worst that will happen is you might end up in jail for a couple of months, but at the end of the day you can have the awesome basement room. Also I found this picture of a Hugo Boss model on the web. Is this you?

Apparently Donna could put up with the rotting cats but my lack of fiscal responsibility put her over the edge. She never wrote back.

Nice try Luiza.

So about a month ago I was looking to buy a new mountain bike. I visited shops. I browsed local listings. I clicked on eBay. I even called some of my old sponsoring peeps. Now don't let me ruin the ending for you but I got a real steal on a Specialized Epic Marathon-SWEET! Now just relax already because I didn't ruin the story. Besides, knowing how a story ends doesn't ruin it anyway because like life, my two-wheel loving friends, its all about the journey and not the destination (I totally stole that tag-line from my high school Ceramics teacher... soooo deep and transcendental).

-

See the real story was in my eBay exchange with a kindly scam artist who, to protect his anonymity, we will refere to him only by his name, email address and eBay ID;

-

name: Luiza Sera

email: pro441@gmail.com

eBay ID: pro441

-

Luiza here, was advertising a brand new 2008 Specialized Epic S-Works;

And he had it listed the through ebay's "Buy It Now" option for only $1200.00. -now for some of you who have not purchased a new bike since Nam this might seem like a lot of money for a bike but it’s not so get over it. Stop complaining. All you have to do is mow a lawn, sell some lemonade, re-finance a second mortgage on your house, rob a bank… or 2 and you could be out there riding with us-

So if $1200 isn’t a lot of money for a bike, how much does this Epic S-Works retail for you might ask…It’s about $6900. See, now you can imagine my THAT’S A STEAL! reaction when I found this offer. The only problem is that the seller said I can’t buy the bike through eBay (where its posted?!) but that interested buyers should email him instead and he would explain the ‘terms and conditions’ of his ‘buy it now’ option.

So,
On 6/11/08, David Vogelsberg <dvogelsberg@ulgt.org> wrote:
What are the terms of this auction item and the buy it now price?
----------This message was sent using Dave's Mobile BlackBerry----------

The reply;
From: pro441@gmail.com
Sent: Thursday, June 12, 2008 1:43 AM
To: David Vogelsberg
Re: Specialized S-works
GreetingsThank you for your interest in purchasing my bike .I have all sizes available ...In this moment you can buy it only for $1200 . price is included the shipping . My bike is new and will come with all accessories and lifetime warranty . You can have this at your door in 48 hours after you confirm the payment because the shipment will be made via Ups 2Day Air or Fedex overnighted from europe.So that's why we use as a payment method Western Union money transfer, the fastest andalso very secure way of sending money because we will close this deal ONLY under eBay,with their protection. The transaction will go strictly according to eBay's RULES and POLICY and will be supervised by eBay Trust & Safety Department..If you have any question don't hesitate to contact me .bidding is restricted because I want to carefully chose my buyers. is not necessary to bid .for me is not important who bid or what amount bid,if i receive a good offer i will sell my items. it is a private listing and i can negociate with buyers.the price is not fix.If you agree with my terms, Let me know asap because the items is ready to be shipped Kind Regards

See, I told you he was a kindly scam artist. “Kind Regards”, how polite. Flattery aside, lets look into this.

1) umm, your grammar sucks. If you’re going to scam an English speaking American, practice your English. And press the spacebar –the one below your thumbs-
2) you have “all sizes”. Is this S-works a magical S-works?
3) I’ve done my homework dude and I know this: eBay always always always stresses that you never ever never purchase an auction item via Western Union’s money transfer. Their “Rules and Policy” supervised by “eBay’s Trust & Safety Department” won’t close this deal “with their protection”.
4) you want to “carefully chose [read, ‘choose’] your buyers” but its also “not important who bids” so long as it is “a good offer”
5) the bike is “$1200”… no wait, it “is not important what amount”. In fact “[we] can negociate” even though “in this moment [I] can buy it only for $1200”… but then again “the price is not fix”. WTH?! I’m confused.

Despite the obvious scam, I can’t resist leading this guy on a bit.

On 6/12/08, David Vogelsberg <dvogelsberg@ulgt.org> wrote:
Your item is listed as “Buy It Now” for $1200 but your email reads, “the price is not fix”. I’m just wondering if the price is negotiable or not?

And he responds:
From: pro441@gmail.com
Sent: Thursday, June 12, 2008 5:14 AM
To: David Vogelsberg
Re: Specialized S-works
I already negotiate the price for you and is very agreeable at $1200.00

On 6/12/08, David Vogelsberg <dvogelsberg@ulgt.org> wrote:
You’re right! I can’t argue a $7000.00 bike for less than $1200.00. That is agreeable. Very agreeable indeed.
Let me ask you though, I noticed the item has been removed from eBay. Why? Did you sell it already?

From: pro441@gmail.com
Sent: Thursday, June 12, 2008 8:34 AM
To: David Vogelsberg
Re: Specialized S-works
I have the auction stopped because so many offers I have from different ebayers and I don't know who is who and what item wants everyone. More and more I get confused...If you want the items , please soon mail me and we will have a deal.Thank you

I feel like I’m emailing back and forth with Yoda. Before he had the force. Before he finished Kindergarten.

On 6/12/08, David Vogelsberg <dvogelsberg@ulgt.org> wrote:
It’s a deal then. I'm extremely interested in the Specialized S-works Epic in a Large. Can I send you the funds with my PayPal account?

From: pro441@gmail.com
Sent: Thursday, June 12, 2008 8:50 AM
To: David Vogelsberg
Re: Specialized s-works
no PayPal because the withdraw limit is 500USD per week. I cant use paypal because it said I'm over my limited i don't want to sound stupid but i don't understand why i cant use paypal they only gave me a 2000.00 dollar limit for month my credit card has way more than that on it. I usually pay the products with cash money.Western Union is the fastest way to conclude a payment! So... all this deal will be done safe and legal through eBay.Just give me your full name and address.I will send this info's to eBay and they will contact you with an invoice.you will see there in the invoice step by step how to complete this purchase..give me your eBay user id too ..

You don’t sound stupid. You write Stupid. But of course I don’t say that. I just keep reeling him in.

On 6/12/08, David Vogelsberg <dvogelsberg@ulgt.org> wrote:
I don't mean to be a bother but can you confirm the details of the bike for me first? Maybe send me the ad and photo again?
Year
Make
Model
Components
Size

Also, what kind of shape is this bike in?, etc… I was also wondering why its so inexpensive? Is there anything wrong with the bike?

Luiza shows his prowess for bike part knowledge by cutting and pasting the details from the Specialized web-site. He also attaches a photo of a used Specialized S-works leaning against a pink garage door. It looks like St. George, Utah.

From: pro441@gmail.com
Sent: Thursday, June 12, 2008 9:20 AM
To: David Vogelsberg
Re: Specialized s-works
here is the photo 2008 Specialied S -works epic FRAME FACT 10m carbon front triangle, Az1 construction, M5 aluminum rear triangle, sealed cartridge bearing pivots, 100mm travel, FACT carbon link REAR SHOCK Specialized AFR Shock w/ Flow Control valve, adjustable from HT firm to Trail Tune, air spring, adjustable rebound FORK Fox F100 RLC, 100mm travel, rebound/compression adjust, lock out w/ threashold adjust, alloy steerer HEADSET 1 1/8" threadless, Campy spec integrated sealed cartridge bearing STEM Thomson CNC alloy, 31.8mm clamp HANDLEBARS Specialized OS XC low rise carbon bar, 640mm wide, 6 degree up, 8 degree backsweep TAPE/GRIPS Specialized thin lock on grip, dual density FRONT BRAKE Magura Marta SL, carbon lever, hydraulic disc, 160 and 185mm SL rotor REAR BRAKE Magura Marta SL, carbon lever, hydraulic disc, 160mm SL rotor BRAKE LEVERS Magura Marta SL, carbon lever, hydraulic disc FRONT DERAILLEUR Shimano M971 XTR, 34.9 clamp, bottom swing, dual pull REAR DERAILLEUR SRAM X-0, 9-speed, mid cage SHIFT LEVERS SRAM X-0, carbon/Aluminium 9-speed trigger CASSETTE FREEWHEEL Shimano XTR, 9-speed, 11-34t CHAIN Shimano 7701 XTR CRANKSET Shimano M970 XTR CHAINRINGS Shimano XTR 22A/32C/44A BOTTOM BRACKET Shimano XTR NEW PEDALS N/A RIMS Roval Contrôle XC race, disc, 24mm FRONT HUB Roval Contrôle XC race, disc, straight pull REAR HUB Roval Contrôle XC race, disc, straight pull SPOKES Roval Contrôle, straight pull, alloy nipples by DT Swiss FRONT TIRE S-Works Fast Trak LK, 26x2.0", tubeless ready, aramid bead, dual compound REAR TIRE S-Works Fast Trak LK, 26x2.0", tubeless ready, aramid bead, dual compound TUBES Specialized Ultralite, .6mm, presta SADDLE Specialized Phenom, Titanium rails SEAT POST Specialized carbon single bolt setback 30.9 300/350/400mm SEAT BINDER Alloy single bolt, 36.9mm clamp ID, for carbon frames NOTES Protective clear coat, derailleur hanger, reflectors, owners manual

On 6/12/08, David Vogelsberg <dvogelsberg@ulgt.org> wrote:
Thanks! I appreciate your patience with me. Can you tell me a couple of things? Where is the bike and why are you selling it? Can I also get your ebay user id so I can verify your history. I don't mean to offend you… It just seems too good to be true.

From: pro441@gmail.com
Sent: Thursday, June 12, 2008 9:29 AM
To: David Vogelsberg
Re: Specialized s-works
Hi i have a bike store in europe and the items will be sent from Romania please look at my another bike for sale 150258275052 please look at my feedback profile ..i have 100 % positive feedback and i don't want to dissapoint you... I am not a scam artist, and the last thing I want to do is rob you.I am a very honest person honest in every aspect of my life and like to believe that we have a mutual trust.look i live by the rules ...money to me is nothing in life it the trust that it count ,If you try to scam somebody in life, later on life will scam you back.I promise, you won't be dissapointed. I am a person of my word.You can count on me.About our deal I assume we are 2 mature persons who want to make a fair deal.I understand you are a little concerned from this point of view but this is not the case.I am a very good ebayer with a very good rating and my interest is to have very good deals on ebay soi can have in the future good deals.If i will make with you a good deal,you will recommend me ,maybe ,to your friends or to other persons.For me it is very important to have permanent deals on ebay,any negatice deal will not make good to me.That explain the low price.More,i will provide 15 days money back warranty,i mean ,if in 15 days you will change your mind you will resend the item to me on my expenses.I think this is more than fair.But i need to provide me the payment confirmation, prior to shipping in order to make the shippment.I hope you can understad me and also,i hope we can finalize this deal in the best manner.You will have my personal quarentee you will receive the item immediately without questions... i promise. i don't sell my reputation even for 1 milion $.think about it.


On 6/12/08, David Vogelsberg <dvogelsberg@ulgt.org> wrote:
You mentioned that you have "all sizes available". Are these new bikes or used? The one in the photo looks used. Is there a way to get a new one from you?

From: pro441@gmail.com
Sent: Thursday, June 12, 2008 9:40 AM
To: David Vogelsberg
Re: Specialized s-works
YES I HAVE ALL SIZES .. You will receive a brand new L zise like on the pic but brand new thanks

On 6/12/08, David Vogelsberg <dvogelsberg@ulgt.org> wrote:
Oh good. Because I want a new one but the one in the photo looks used.

From: pro441@gmail.com
Sent: Thursday, June 12, 2008 9:47 AM
To: David Vogelsberg
Re: Specialized s-works
is the same like in the photos that i have sent you ..but will be brand new

On 6/12/08, David Vogelsberg <dvogelsberg@ulgt.org> wrote:
Do you happen to have a photo of the one you will send me then?

From: pro441@gmail.com
Sent: Thursday, June 12, 2008 9:58 AM
To: David Vogelsberg
Re: Specialized s-works
i don't have so many photos

On 6/12/08, David Vogelsberg <dvogelsberg@ulgt.org> wrote:
Hmmmmmmm, seems a little fishy. Am I jumping to conclusions if I think it’s weird you don’t have a photo of all these brand new bikes laying around your pad?

Apparently I pushed Luiza a litle too far because he doesn’t write back.

On 6/12/08, David Vogelsberg <dvogelsberg@ulgt.org> wrote:
You still there? I'm just looking for some reassurance that my $1200 bucks is going to a secure place. Is there anything else you can do to provide me more confidence before I complete the transaction and send you the money?

From: pro441@gmail.com
Sent: Thursday, June 12, 2008 10:53 AM
To: David Vogelsberg
Re: Specialized s-works
1 . If you want a pic look on specialized website if you are not happy with my photos 2. i'm from us , but now i have a bike shop in Europe I already explained about security more then enough

On 6/12/08, David Vogelsberg <dvogelsberg@ulgt.org> wrote:
Seems like I've offended you. I’m just asking for is some reassurance. The whole deal seems weird, don’t you think?

From: pro441@gmail.com
Sent: Thursday, June 12, 2008 11:01 AM
To: David Vogelsberg
Re: Specialized S-works
ok Please feel free and find another seller no problem for me ..anyway Nothing is weird for me

On 6/12/08, David Vogelsberg <dvogelsberg@ulgt.org> wrote:
I guess you’re right. Everything looks great. I’m just paranoid. Here's my contact info:
David Vogelsberg
12345 North South East & West
Anytown, USA 12345
My ebay user ID is: vogliesburg
Thanks. I’m super excited to get my bike!

I receive a very shotty invoice that is meant to look like an eBay web-page but oh so far from the real thing.

From: pro441@gmail.com
Sent: Thursday, June 12, 2008 11:15 AM
To: David Vogelsberg
Re: Specialized S-works
Greetings,ebay just confirmed me that they sent you the invoice...did you received it?Now please make the payment so we can complete this purchase.. please send the money ONLY from an westen union agent location , so find an western agent location and send the money from there and i will start the delivery process too ...Sorry for begin such a pain i will start the delivery proccess now first because of that ..Thank you!Luiza Sera

On 6/12/08, David Vogelsberg <dvogelsberg@ulgt.org> wrote:
That’s such great service! Here comes my money!

From: pro441@gmail.com
Sent: Thursday, June 12, 2008 11:25 AM
To: David Vogelsberg
Re: Specialized S-works
did you have the invoice?please stay online so i can send you the UPS papers :)

On 6/12/08, David Vogelsberg <dvogelsberg@ulgt.org> wrote:
Oh shoot. I forgot. There is a Western Union money transfer but it is really far away. Too far for me to walk and I don’t have a bike yet. Do you think you can send me the bike first? That way I could ride the bike to the Western Union and get the money to you faster.

Luiza must be getting suspicious because he starts erasing our email trail and begins sending fresh emails under a new format. You sneaky scam artist.

From: Pro441@gmail.com
To: dvogelsberg@ulgt.org
Cc:Subject: Specialized S-works
Sorry for you but money comes first before you get the bicicle Specialized S-works. Its lucky that you will not walk anymore. Now please make money transfer and the Specialized S-works will arrive quick enough for you to ride very soon.

On 6/12/08, David Vogelsberg <dvogelsberg@ulgt.org> wrote:
Alright man. Gigs up. To be honest with you I just don’t know about this. It’s a scam right?. First off, eBay advises buyers to never pay for auction items with Western Union because they cannot track or protect transferred funds like you said they would. I could list other reasons, but I’ve waisted enough of my time with this.

From: Pro441@gmail.com
To: dvogelsberg@ulgt.org
Cc:Subject: Specialized S-works
1. Yes I know the deal is OUTSIDE ebay, BUT we will close the deal under ebay. You have the ebay INVOICE and they know that I accept western union 2. The transaction is already registered by ebay and the payment must be sent through western union 3. In normal circumstances Paypal is my favorite way of receiving the payment but unfortunately for the moment I have some troubles with my paypal account and I am forced not to accept this method at this time. I want to take this opportunity to assure you that this deal is as legitimate as it could possible be. I have a family, 2 kids. That means I would not risk anything to put them in danger or something like that for that kind of money. I have a career, I am a person of honor and a serious seller and I don't see any reason for not respecting you as I did with the other customers. Why should I be different with you??? It makes no sense... I earned my money through hard work in this life and I won't force you to do anything that you don't like. At this price I can easily find another customer. I can guarantee you that you will be more than satisfied and be sure we will do more business in the future. I won't risk my career, my freedom and my future for anything in the world!!! I would rather close this deal with other person than to know that you'll be very stressed hoping that I am an honest person, until you receive your package. Your peace of mind is a lot more important than this deal!!! Building a long-lasting relationship with my customers means building trust. Advertising and marketing efforts create interest and will initially pave the way, but the results are the core of my success in this tough business environment. To be competitive on a highly dynamic market I must find new ways of improving quality of my products/services and reduce costs. Western Union payment services and UPS delivery services are an excellent way to achieve a high professional level with a great impact on the results of our trade. Please take into consideration my past experience with different commercial services and the advantage gained from avoiding commercial charges and hidden costs. These are not negligible aspects of our transaction and they allow me to offer you excellent products and services bellow the market value. If you decide not to go through with it there is no problem. I will cancel all and will be ok. I have started the delivery process and I even made a reservation to UPS. I also declared the items as a gift for you and in this way you will pay NO costum fees and you will receive the item very fast. Let me know when you will send the payment... Payment must be sent ONLY FROM a Western Union location Thank you

On 6/12/08, David Vogelsberg <dvogelsberg@ulgt.org> wrote:
"Look at the big brains on Brad!" Did you just graduate from Cambridge? Your grammar and punctuation is amazing!

From: Pro441@gmail.com To: dvogelsberg@ulgt.org Cc: Subject: Specialized S-works please read my last email ... i don't know what can i say more ... :(
I'm not a worst person from the planet nobody likes to get scam. always the bad things are going back to origin.now you only have to make a decision...I don't know what else can I say.

You can say, “Dangit!” Luiza because you almost had me!

What's all the buzz about?

I dropped 71.00 dollars on 1 tank of gas the other day but I know that griping about gas prices is a pretty cliched and irritating thing to do so I won't. Besides, why complain? I have a company car and ULGT pays for all the gas it can drink. See, it's sort of like free Big Gulps only my 4Runner is the kid who always has to go the bathroom now. Rubbing it in aside;

-

I was riding my bike the other day and realized that this time I was going to die from heat exhaustion. Not just end up in the hospital again -writhing in pain, blood coming from my nose, in and out of consciousness, unable to control my limbs and laying in a cramping fetal heap with my best friends and their wives looking at me with only my cycling unitard on (and yes, the unitard bit was the worst part. Another reason why cycling is gay and mountain biking is cool)

-

Anyway, my usual is long hair in the summer and short hair in the winter but because Utah is soooo Freaking HOT I'm pulling the reciprocal this year. I'm cutting it in July now and growing it out in winter. Sometimes making a drastic change in the cycle of life turns out to be just the sort of decision that you immediately regret. Like eating at Carl’s Jr. But this has been all ups so far. There was however this one other time when getting a haircut was all downs;

-

I was getting a standard haircut by Deb at Great Clips, early fall '02. Deb was the lady with long finger nails who smacked her gum a lot. And she called me ‘hun’. So Deb is doing the ‘comb-the-hair-up-and-buzz-the-top-of-the-comb-with-the-clippers’ technique that seems to be popular among the Dallas Roberts grads. And, I guess she was distracted that day because she accidentally buzzed below the comb. Deb drops the clippers, bursts into tears and says “I just can’t do anything right.” Then plopped down in the chair beside me and sobbed. Deb was having a bad day.

-
Like most men, I have been trained over a lifetime to immediately concede any opinion or grievance the second a woman starts crying. Instead you say whatever you can to put out the fire. “No no! It looks fine. It’s cool, I wanted to go with a flat top anyway. Don’t worry about it! Yeah, I’ve always wanted a flat top.” So I ended up with an accidental flat top. I like to think I looked like Dolph Lundgren. But I suspect I looked more like Greg Ostertag.

An open letter: Because I Care

Dear Utah Valley Moms,

UNLESS...
you are clandestinely (wait, I don't know what you mean?) planning to act as a sniper for a communist insurrection (insurrection?) OR you have invented a time machine and transported me back to high-school, those bejeweled, faux-Che military hats make you look like you just can't give up your senior year (Seniors!? Best year eva!!).

Regards,

Someone Had to Say It

R.I.P. Sophia Petrillo

Estelle Getty died, earlier this week which is pretty amazing since she's been 92 years old since 1989.

-

Sophia, I would like to speak directly to you now. You are free. No longer will you need to fear being sent to Shady Pines Retirement Center by your 6'5'' daughter. Nor will you have to listen any longer to her old bag friends as they complain about their love lives -BTW: they were in their 60's and should have given up on dating centuries earlier. Oh, and that Alzheimer's you got in that one episode will no longer afflict you (although it stopped afflicting you the next week). You are free to carry the biggest, most jewel encrusted purse with you to heaven, eat all the cheesecake you want and yes, you will be reunited with your husband whose name I can't remember but Dorothy always called him 'Pop'. In short; If you threw a party and invited everyone you knew, you would see a gift card from me and it would say, 'thank you for being a friend.'

-

So I love The Golden Girls... Growing up, my friend's mom would always watch it on Saturday while we played on the carpet with Lego's and Construx. For being a show about a bunch of old ladies, it was pretty dirty, especially to my 10 year old ears. My friend's mom would laugh hysterically then realize the impressionable minds of her children and their friends were present and say 'that's just filthy.' She never changed the channel though... sorry to rat you out Mrs. Morris.

-

Note: I just read the article I linked earlier. Apparently she really did suffer from dementia, which makes my Alzheimer's reference seem a bit crass. And yet... I leave it in.